Child Visitation - Steps to Handle Problematic Exchanges

For some people child visitation is a smooth, simple, and easy process. One parent stops by and picks up the child from the other parent then returns them when visitation is over. For others they may pickup, drop off, and communicate what is easiest at that time. But what happens when parents have trouble being civil, harbor resentment, or even have a restraining order in place?

Each time a child is physically exchanged for visitation, a new opportunity presents itself for high conflict parents. This means that even though parents may not be involved in each other’s lives, they still must interact (for the benefit of the children) but what if there are problematic issues with exchanges due to high conflict parents?

If you have a problem with exchanges you are not alone. Child visitation custody cases often include an ongoing problem with exchange of the child. Some frequent issues are not dropping off a child, not picking up a child, not cooperating with the schedule, problems with a restraining order, demanding frequent changes to the schedule and others. If you cannot work out an agreement and your visitation is not working for you or your child it may be time to head back to court, but you need to be prepared.

This is an extremely difficult and frustrating issue but there are things you can do. What you “cannot” do is run back to the court and complain without doing your due diligence. You don’t want to take any minor issues before the court. Some of them you just have to suck up and take, like the other parent dropping the child off 5 minutes late, or not bringing back clothes, dirty laundry. These items are petty where the court is concerned. Issues like, child safety, safety of all parties, verbal and physical abuses are taken very seriously by the court.

Build your case step-by-step. Here are the steps you need to take to resolve the issue.

Take a trusted friend or family member with you to observe. Make sure they do not become part of the problem.
Document the problem you are having with exchanges. By document I mean get a folder and always take it with you on exchanges. Document the date, time and what happened. If it is a serious issue, don’t be afraid to call the police and report it. Document the incident or report number, the Officers name and badge number and who witnessed the incident.
After you feel that you can show a pattern of problems, file your motion to change visitation. Use the hard facts you have accumulated in your notebook as the basis of your motion.
Present the hard facts like “10 times since January the other parent has not brought the child back”. Do not cloud the motion with feelings unless someone had reason to be scared or fearful. Judges do not like Jerry Springer in their courtroom.
Know exactly how to resolve the problem and present your solution clearly “Make each party responsible for pick-up of the child for their scheduled visitation”.

When you get to court you can explain that since you filed the motion the issue has occurred 5 more times.

Remember, if you don’t like the way things are going, then go back to court, but be smart.