Making a Change When Exchanges Go Wrong - Part 3

Now let’s make a plan.

1. Define your problem in writing. Be specific about what doesn’t work. Things like they argue with me or call me vulgar names in front of the child.
2. Write out your objective. Keep them outside of speaking distance. (The judge can figure this out without you drafting the language).
3. Document every encounter. Begin keeping a log of all encounters with the other parent. Why? Because you need to show a history that supports your case. One instance sounds like whining, but 10, 20, or more shows a pattern of behavior. This is especially true of Restraining Orders or Stay Away Orders. If they are not to contact you, but they text you a conversation, each text is an offense. Keep those texts and phone messages and use them as documentation.
4. File a motion (Order to Show Cause). Once you establish a pattern you need to file your motion. Make sure it contains only the facts and does not read emotional. Explain the changes you want and include the evidence in your filing. You are required to share it anyway and this way the judge can read it as part of the filing. If there is a response, you can respond to their response. Remember, your objective is to take away their power. Keep records after you file so you can show the pattern continues or suddenly stopped. Either way works in your favor.
5. Get ready for court. Make a bulleted list of the specific items you are requesting in your motion. Have a friend go over your case with you. Have them role play as the other parent. Make sure you do not bring emotion or blame into your arguments. Practice until you feel comfortable.
6. Go to court. Take your bulleted list with you. You may get 15 minutes with the judge so use it wisely. Make sure you cover all your points before you leave.

I can tell you from personal experience that this process does work. There is nothing easy about it, but it is very doable. The best thing you can do for your child is give them conflict free parents. You are the only person that can make this change, because you are the only person with intimate knowledge of the problem.