Child Custody Visitation - How to Prevent Drama during Exchanges

There is nothing more gut wrenching than having drama play out on your child custody visitation time while trying to pick up your children from the other parent. Whether it’s the phone ringing over and over, they don’t show up, demands, verbal abuse, or holding onto the child to negotiate some change, it is enough to drive some people over the edge and create a potentially dangerous domestic situation.

We’ve all heard the news stories, an amber alert goes out because a parent has taken off with a child and officials believe they could be in danger. The reality is that the danger in a high conflict relationship is real. Emotions run high on both sides and common sense goes out the window. Relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends, aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, can all become involved and guess who gets stuck in the middle, the child.

The problem for the child is that they didn’t ask for any of this and they don’t control their parent’s actions. This means if there is going to be a change, one of the parents must take action, but you are at your wits end and don’t know how to get out. At some point enough is enough but how do you make a change?

Follow these rules:

Document every exchange.
Document who was involved.
Document what happened with the child.
Document if they were in danger. Don’t try to be nice and downplay it. Your child is a risk here.
Document how it was resolved.
Ask for help if needed. Always carry your paperwork and call the police if needed. Don’t be embarrassed they are trained to deal with these types of situations.

File a motion. One or two incidents may not be enough to successfully file a motion and have it acted upon, but many instances are. There are several ways to approach what type of motion you file here. The type of motion will dictate what happens after that.

If the ex is threatening you or the child, you can file for a Domestic Violence Restraining order (DV). There are many free groups (check your local family courthouse) that can help you file. This is an excellent tool to have as this is the only document that carries a criminal penalty if it is broken. The police must act on it if it is not followed.

If the level of drama doesn’t rise to a DV order, or if you now have a DV order, you can file a motion to have visitation changed. With this motion you will want to focus on the “best interests of the child”. The court will not let a child be exposed to toxic high conflict relationships. You can ask that the visitation order be changed to include things like exchanges be in public places like a police station. Ask that all verbal and phone contact be stopped (except for emergency) and that all communication happen through email.