Child Custody Evaluation - Mediation, Assessment, Evaluation, Dealing With a Dishonest Parent

The title of this article really says a lot. Isn't high conflict brought on by a parent not being truthful? Someone who is controlling in nature and doesn't want to lose control. No matter how an honest parent might try to appease them, they just won't let it go. Continuous accusations, false claims, mudslinging, name calling. It is enough to make you think you're crazy. But you know you're not.

Doesn't it just make you think you're losing your mind when you do everything in your power to make a decent relationship with your child's other parent and they find a way to sabotage it? Well guess what? It isn't you. It's them.

Of course, you knew it was them and now you need to know, how do you tell the mediator, assessor, or evaluator (mediator for simplicity sake) that all of the accusations are unfounded. How do you extricate yourself from the drama and show that this is the reason you left?

First you need to spend as little time as you can responding to those ridiculous claims. But you will need an explanation for the mediator. Simply, and by simply I mean in as few words as possible, tell the mediator that this person is controlling and that was the big problem in your relationship (mediators see this all the time and can recognize it easily). Then make a comprehensive list of all the things you were accused of by this person, not just the ones in their court papers. I know this seems contrary to what you're thinking (make it go away) but in reality you want to show that there is a constant bombardment from this person.

It is also quite probable that some of the items in the court documents are new. Ask the question that if these were so important, why did this person spend so much time badgering you about this other stuff. Let the mediator infer their own answer. We all know the answer so let it hang and don't try to explain it.

The bottom line is that when it comes to dealing with a dishonest parent they will attempt to run you all over town in an effort to hide their issues. In this case, let them run with it. The more times you can show that there are new issues for them and they do not address the couple of items you are focused on, the more the mediator can conclude that there is a reason for their attempts to deflect attention onto you.

Remember that time is your ally. The longer this goes on, the better for you. So disengage yourself, stand back and watch them dance their way out of your life.